How To Survive When Your Heart is Broken

You'll survive

Today, the world celebrates love. To those in love: celebrate! Taste the part that escaped the heavens and fell to earth. Savor the most beautiful heights life has to offer. To the lovers, I have nothing for you today.

The world will celebrate love today. If today is a day of celebration for some. It’s a day of suffering for others. A day of sadness, melancholy and nostalgia for those who played the game of love to the full and lost.

If love has the power to take us to the highest peaks of heaven. It can also take us into the deepest strata of hell. And in the depths, it abandons you. Lost in a world of darkness, it leaves you to rot in the abyss.

Today, it’s for these souls that I take up my pen. For those who have been damaged by love. Those without light, afflicted by abominable heartaches. Those whose day is not a day to celebrate, but another day to survive. Those whose day will bring back sharp memories. Of love, past and lost. Of love, lived and gone.

These words are for you.

First of all, let’s not underestimate your pain. I hate self-righteous judges. I’ve known them and always found them unbearable. They tell you they’ve had a long history. Yours was short. That it wasn’t the right one. That she wasn’t the right person for you. They’ll tell you things you don’t want to hear. That you can’t hear.

They forget that we don’t choose to love. They forget that every love that ends is painful. Whether it lasted a few days or several years. They forget that it’s not a suffering contest. Whether you’ve loved for one day or thousands of days, the pain is searing. You have loved. Your heart is bruised. Don’t let anyone undervalue your pain.

If you suffer, it’s because you’ve loved, without lies. You dared to be vulnerable. You dared to dream of the union of two souls. Be proud, because few still do. The pain you feel can only be felt by those who have loved with every fiber of their being.

I can’t guarantee that your pain will go away. Or I’ll be just another lie merchant. But I can share a few thoughts about this pain. In a distant past, I tasted one that left me a few scars. A pain so strong it makes you think it’s the end. That all hope is gone.

So strong it can be felt physically. So deep that the desire to eat stops. As if your body had a will of its own. That it refuses to live. So violent hat sleep vanishes. And when you finally find it, it’s only to be assaulted by infamous nightmares. 

Pain so fierce that even breathing seems difficult. That every hour of life seems unbearable. That life no longer inspires anything but disgust. That all your thoughts are about this lost person. That without warning, like an unexpected downpour, tears fill your eyes. And no matter what you do, the torrent of emotions seems unstoppable.

You and I aren’t the only ones to have lost at this game of love. Many a poet has cried out in despair. 

“Nowhere does happiness await me.”

Perhaps Lamartine’s words resonate with you. Trying to survive the fatal mourning of love. Despair had taken hold of him. But the poet, like so many others, survived. And the happiness that seemed nowhere to be found was indeed found.

The unbearable pain was endured. It took days for some. Months or even years for others. Unfortunately, we can’t predict how long it will take to heal the wounds of the soul, but what wonderful hope there is in the idea that it can be healed.

As La Fontaine said: 

“Sadness flies away on the wings of time.”

To the heart’s awful sorrows, time is the dearest friend.

We’ve talked about pain, but pain is only one of the afflictions suffered by a broken heart. Like an addict in withdrawal, he also needs to treat his craving for this lost love. Like one half having lost the other, we’re constantly looking for it. We want to talk to her, hear her voice, see her smile. We miss her smell, we can’t bear her absence. The lack is cruel, but I’m addressing your honor.

Why do you want someone who no longer wants you? Emotions blind your judgment. They prevent us from seeing the paradox of this insane situation. You’re suffering, but where’s your pride? We love what loves us. What doesn’t love us is never the way. Suffer but be proud. Stand up straight.

No wall of text. 
No pleading.
No screams. 
No weeping in front of this lost being. 
Suffer with dignity. 
Your future you will thank you for it.
Your future you will be proud.

If love is beautiful, the end is almost always hideous. Lies, betrayal, and the ugliest parts are reserved for those final moments. Hatred is never far away, but once again, I appeal to your reason. The story is over: it was once beautiful, why make it dirty?

If the other was filthy. If the other has stooped to deliberately hurtful words. If the other stooped to lies. If the other wanted to destroy. Don’t follow him/her into this hellish mess. By wandering in this horror, you have everything to lose.

In your desire to strike back. 
To destroy what’s trying to destroy you.
You could do things you’d regret.
You could say words that will stain you forever.

It’s not because the other person is horrible that you have to be.

I appeal once again to your common sense. Think of that moment. When the volcano of emotions is extinguished. When there’s nothing left but the ashes of this past history. What will be left of these acts or words? Except the bitterness of having lost control. 

Your broken heart hurts. 
Your broken heart aches.
Your broken heart wonders: 
Why? 
We look for reasons. 
We want to understand.
But we’ll never know them.
Because we’ll never know what went through the other person’s soul.
And it’s ok. 

Instead of pursuing this quest for the impossible why. We must embark on the quest for what’s next. The page will turn. Might as well turn it quickly. This lost love is not an end in itself. 

Maybe you’ve forgotten, but you came into this world without her/him. And for many years, you lived without her/him. You may have forgotten it, but the world seemed beautiful to you, without her/him. You loved, you laughed, you felt, and you were happy, without her/him.

And if you’ve loved, laughed and been happy without this lost love, it’s still possible.

To that other who abandoned you in one of the circles of hell, there’s still one mistake you mustn’t make. Let me tell you a secret. This other is also afraid. A visceral fear burrows deep inside her/him. Terrified that you might survive and live a more beautiful life stripped of its weight. For this other, this vision is unbearable.

Keep crying, you’ll prove them right.
They’ll think that without them, you’re nothing.
But put a smile back on your face.
Free yourself from their grip. 
And see the terror seize this other one. 
The terror of realizing that without them, you’re everything.

Seeing you shine, some of these quitters will have the audacity to come back.
Because people who love for real are rare and precious.
And they know it.

But with a straight chest. 
Without a word.
Send her/him back to the only place it deserves to live. 
In the realm of indifference.