We Are Not Our Failures

Life is Better On The Bright Side

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It's Sunday morning. I hope you had a good week.
Have a cup of your favorite drink, I've got a tiny story for you.

Two weeks ago, I shared with you a way to ruin your life. Unfortunately, there isn't just one. Humans are creative when it comes to self-sabotage and ruining their chances.

One of the second most effective ways to ruin your future is to become a “prophet”.

I call them prophets because they tend to be convinced that they know their future. They already know what's going to happen. How the script is written. And they also know what won't happen.

They tell you “how bad it was all going to be”.
“How they knew it was all going to go wrong.”
And “how they know more bad things are going to happen to them”.
Because “that's the way it is” and “there's nothing they can do about it”.

Some aren't afraid to voice their frustration.
But others keep it all inside. And that's no less dangerous.

They can't escape seeing the world in its darkest shade.
They don't expect much from life except what they imagine it to be.
The pains of their lives have disenchanted them.

The list of reasons that convinced the prophet of his future is long:

• I will never make it

• I can't do it

• I'm unlucky

• Nothing good has ever happened to me

• It's not for me

• The steps are too high

• I’m not good enough

He's locked into closed-circuit thinking.
He doesn't realize that he is the instigator of his self-fulfilling prophecies.

Why do they think like that?

Because they are anchored by negative events in their lives. They connect several of them with lines. And deduce that the sequence of events can only be unfortunate.

Those who fail may think they're destined to fail. Those who have been unlucky may think they're destined to be.

They let past events define their future identity while nothing is yet written.

Humans are terrible at remembering good moments.
Humans are excellent at remembering tragic moments.

Failures become turning points in their lives.
While successes are forgotten in the recesses of their minds.

Tragedy obscures all the positive things that happen in our lives.
And our fragile brains let the tragic take over.

The dangerous part is that these thought patterns can be triggered at any time in our lives.

• Losing a job

• A breakup

It's enough for these two events to be close enough for us to see a correlation. These two events will darken our skies. And a third nearby negative event can send us into a hole.

Many people lose everything because of a single negative spiral.

In the worst cases, the negative roots go back further than our recent past. Some live with intergenerational lega… burdens. They become heirs to lives that are not their own. There's only one possible path, since “that's the way it's always been.” Their identity is suffocating under the weight of a century-old past.

Their anchor is a point in the distant past of another era. But this must be respected to avoid disappointing expectations.

Breaking the cycle

The anchor points need to be changed.

Instead of the blacklist that serves as the basis for our identity, we're going to use a whitelist that will carry us toward the desired future.

• What are you most proud of?

• What's your happiest memory?

• Who are the people you love the most and for whom you'd like to do better?

• What was that moment when you felt you couldn't do it, but you beat the odds?

• What was that moment when you felt strong and sure of yourself?

We have to look for the brightest moments in our lives. These will be much better anchors than the negative points. No more tragedies. We build on success.

We are not our failures.
We are not our failures.
Do you understand?
We are not your failures.
Just in case:
WE ARE NOT OUR FAILURES.

The Irony of This World

What bothers me most is that some great souls have low self-esteem because they base their measure of success on what the world tells them it should be.

People with less money will have complexes about people with more. But money is not and never will be a measure of worth.

Others will place their cursor on the success or state of their career. Or totally bogus metrics.

They build their identity on what they are not.
They forget all the times they were exceptional human beings.

When they've served as a volunteer. Or rescued a cat from a tree. Gave money to a cause close to their hearts. When they gave lots of love to people who needed it. When they were caring children. When they were loving parents. When they were attentive friends. When they called their grandmother to brighten her day. When they've cooked with love. When they sincerely helped others. When they gave joy to others. When they helped an elderly person cross the street or carry their groceries. When they reached out to those in need. When they followed their passion and inspired others…

They forget that they are everyday heroes.
They forget how much this world needs them.
They don't even realize how precious they are.
They forget that they are the people who make this world a better place.

Have a great Sunday.
See you next week.