Until Death
Unfazed
Imagine giving your all for years on end. Doing everything you can to achieve your goals. Learning the ropes. Putting in all your hours. Staying up all night. And then it doesn’t work out. How would you feel?
We always talk about the winners. We never talk about those who keep trying, tirelessly. And who, like a wave crashing onto a beach, keep breaking on the sand, always rolling back.
They touch the shore, they cling to it, they want to stay on dry land. But the water pulls them back. As if solid ground is not their home. And all they can have is struggle in the ocean, amidst predators and storms. The salt eating their skin, a little more, each day. In the heart of a starless, pitch-black night. They want to walk, they dream of running, but they’re destined to drown.
Sometimes, they tell themselves that maybe it would be better to stop struggling. Too hard. Too painful. Too exhausting. Maybe drowning is a better fate than this constant struggle. Maybe peace is better than this feeling of constant danger. In the middle of the ocean with the depths beneath their feet, every movement becomes an effort.
What is the maximum amount of pain a human can endure?
No idea. But we surely all have a limit. And once it’s reached, everything breaks. We don’t want to suffer anymore. We don’t want to cling to yet another beach. We don’t want to be disappointed anymore. We don’t want to feel solid ground only to find ourselves swept away, once again, relentlessly into those terrifying zones.
In the middle of the ocean, with no stars to guide me, it’s time to stop the struggle. I lie on my back, let myself drift, and contemplate the void. I try to understand the meaning of pain. The meaning of all these things that have none.
I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where the wind is taking me. But I know I’ll have to get back on my feet. Yes, the latest failures are painful. Yes, the latest failures have taken a toll on my morale. But no, I won’t let them defeat me.
Someone once told me:
“There are many forms of genius. Ine of the most underestimated is resilience. A person capable of transforming their pain will never be defeated. Imagine that 9 out of 10 people would have given up after going through what he went through. If he keeps going, doesn’t that make him a genius? And it is that very genius that will save him. This ability to never give up, no matter the adversity. This ability to always bare one’s fangs. This ability to never let oneself die, no matter the wounds.”
So I suppose today, I don’t have much to do. Just take this latest failure. Look it in the eye. Learn from my mistakes. And prepare to start swimming again.
I have nothing to leave to my children or to this world. Only my words and a state of mind. That of a terrified swimmer, in the heart of darkness, tired, exhausted, without strength, but who will not give up. My will is all I have. And I intend to defend it until the very end with all my soul.
Unfazed.
Unbroken.
Until death, all defeats are psychological.