By immersing myself in the lives of philosophers and artists.
One subject often comes up ... pain
As if it had to be present for some to build their greatest works.
One could believe that these men and women, who apparently have everything, are happy.
But in reality, deep inside them, an extreme suffering haunts them and the production of work is only one of their way to cope and exorcise their demons.
I was recently reading an article on Michel de Montaigne.
And one of the fathers of modern essays wrote his work after a bereavement.
He had lost his friend (or lover) to the plague.
Laboetie was still very young.
(The famous Laboetie, I have quoted his work very often in some of my previous posts).
He locked himself up for ten years in a tower with only ... books.
He began to write extensively on many subjects and ended up writing one of the essays that will have one of the greatest impact on modern philosophy.
HP Lovecraft, whose books are now classics... suffered from a gigantic self-esteem problem.
He thought he was producing crap and that he was a miserable failure.
Michelangelo hated his very existence.
"I lead a miserable existence and reck not of life nor honor - that is of this world; I live wearied by stupendous labors and beset by a thousand anxieties. And thus I lived for some 50 years now and never an hour's happiness have I had."
It is indeed the great Michelangelo who writes his lines filled with suffering.
Rousseau was sick all his life.
And sick writers are numerous.
Physically or mentally, some of the greatest had big problems.
Nietzsche had fits of dementia.
Schopenhaueur was an austere character in the extreme.
We all know the tragic fate of Van Gogh.
Unfortunate death by his own hand.
He was only 37 years old.
But his mental health deteriorated and perhaps he felt like a burden to his brother who financed his art.
We will never know.
Far be it from me to burden you with tragic stories at the beginning of your week. But it is rather the opposite that I would like to do. To give you hope.
The great ones suffered from self-esteem issues.
So if sometimes you have doubts, know that it is normal.
Life is a strange kind of competition.
And our modern tools of comparison are many.
Just open instagram and see someone:
- more beautiful than us
- richer than us
- having accomplished more
Anxiety starts and we tell ourselves ... "Ah, I’m a failure compare to them and I suck."
By the way I think these are apps to delete.
And all those that give you anxiety and do not encourage you are to banish from your feeds.
What's the point of inflicting pain on yourself daily by watching people have the lives you'd like to live?
The second point I wanted to highlight is that pain is a fantastic catalyst.
The transmutation of pain is a tool that can be used to transform your life.
All that accumulated hate can become something better.
But we must know how to direct it towards constructive thoughts and projects that will allow us to heal.
"I'm going to work hard to shut the mouth of anyone who didn't believe in me."
I have often said that anger is not a healthy feeling.
But for a long time, it was only anger that drove me.
The desire for revenge on those who had doubted me.
To tell them, "Look what I've become."
I would end by telling you that all negative feelings can become positive if you have the courage to make the right decisions.
I am still angry.
Sometimes I get up in the morning and don't feel like doing anything.
Just tell the earth to go fuck itself.
And hole up in my bed.
But that won't cure me.
So I make the effort I have to make.
I use this anger to turn it into something better.
Turning the darkness into light.
Have a great week everyone.
If you like to read my content, I started an adventure on medium.
If you want to help me, put a heart on this story.
Share my substack.
These are very small things but they help me a lot.
Thank you.