Grieving Hair Loss
A New Stage in My Life
When I was young, it wasn't really an issue. I don't recall an epidemic of baldness striking men. And even fewer lively conversations about how various strategies and products can battle the process.
I feel that the number of men with hair problems is increasing. Even among the very young. A bit like the weight of the population, which has mechanically increased over the last twenty years. Weight, like hair loss, seems to be a problem of our time.
Further proof that our lifestyles are far from perfect.
As I get older, even though I still have a full head of hair, I do have a few thinning spots. I hadn't noticed it, but a few innocent comments made me realize it.
"Have you lost some hair?"
I stammer: "No, I don't think so..."
But a few weeks later: "Daddy, you've got less hair on the back of your head!"
Okay, I'm lying.
It's been a few months since I noticed that some areas had lightened up. But I was trying to convince myself that it was ... not so noticeable.
The proliferation of white hairs wasn't enough of a test at the dawn of my 35th birthday. They also had to diminish.
You take an uppercut and life is now looking for a knockout.
A few new existential questions emerge.
Will it continue?
Will it stabilize?
Many friends of my age are going through the same thing. For some, it's genetic. Their father went bald, their fate was expected. Some, like me, are seeing their hair density melt away. Not cool.
Some friends use advanced hairstyling techniques to mask the gradual disappearance. Others have opted for cap or bonnet styles.
I even have a friend who traveled for a transplant. The result was incredible. He left with a few big holes and came back with a young man's mane. When you see the results, it almost makes you want to book a trip.
Me? I'm not planning a transplant. I'll do my best to take care of my hair to keep them as long as possible. But I'm ready to embrace my inner Statham.
When I was younger, once, I shaved everything. I wanted to start over. I've always had this idea that cutting one's hair completely is a kind of spiritual act that allows you to "start again". Like a new beginning.
After shaving it all off, I remember a lot of positive feelings. It's hard to explain, but I felt more “feral”. Although the physical aspect was a brutal change (I've always had medium-length hair). Within a few weeks, I was pretty happy with the change.
I shaved to a few millimeters for a few years, keeping this style, and then let it grow again at another stage of my life. When I was no longer in tryhard mode.
It wasn't the worst experience of my life. Showers were quicker. It even made me look a little more dangerous. In those periods, I had a very low body fat. It clearly helps to shape a prettier face.
If I had to go back to zero hair. I'd double my efforts at the gym.
I love my hair but what will be will be. I see some poetry in this loss. A reminder that we are not immortal. A reminder that the clock is ticking, and right now: the timer's racing.
It sucks, but it's also a reality check: "Hurry up and achieve what you want to achieve in this life. There's an end line."
It's also a motivation to take care of my body and mind. We've only got one and there's still a long way to go.
I'm not going to say, "Make your peace with it. Shave it all off and move on".
It's not easy. Only those who experience loss can feel the pain it is.
And it's also certain that it's easier to start making peace with the process when you're 35 than when you're 25.
If it had started happening to me ten years earlier, I'm not afraid to say that I would have experienced it as a tragedy. And maybe I'd even have organized a trip to a specialized clinic.
I have nothing to recommend. You have to be in tune with yourself. And do what you think is right for your mental health and self-love. Today, I just wanted to tell you about this strange new period in my life.
If you're young, take good care of your health. Your hair. Your whole body. Because there will come a day when all you want is to have done it.
If I had the superpower to return to my youth. I would:
eat perfectly, no more junk food
exercise more
get more morning sun
slept more (!!!) (probably the most important habit)
But I don't have that superpower. So all I have left is to pass on a few words. He who suffers from something doesn't want others to suffer.
That's the beauty of the human species. We're all just one big collective consciousness helping each other out. The pains of some are lessons for others.
Take care of yourself.
See you next Sunday!
I'm often asked if I have other social networks. I don't. I only publish on Notes. A few thoughts everyday.
If you want to follow my daily peregrinations, this is the place.
As someone who had chemotherapy blitz away his hair more than once, there is a rather big thing about the loss of identity for men around their hair that goes grossly unnoticed.
I remember during my time in the ward, a number of the ladies had head covering and the popularity of hair donations for patients and yet for a large proportion of men, when they start losing their hair, they don’t get the same level of sympathy.
I wouldn’t know what my next steps would be—during my treatment, I grabbed the razor and chromed my white dome, but these days seem to be pathologically attached to my hair.
In any case, thanks for writing about it. It’s something I plan to write about at some stage.
Haha why is this post so entertaining to me, btw:
Rosemary oil will help with your hair loss - apply it on your scalp 10-15’ before you shower and you will have a head full of youthful hair again. I guaranteed.
I don’t usually tell people my age but you are only a couple years older than me, yet you sound like you are in the 50s or 70s eras.